It's not so much a self pity thing. There is a missing my kid thing... I don't know. On one hand there's a good riddance thing, on the other- well, he always was a friend I was just... tired of being forgotten I guess. Used. So much that went so wrong... Superchick has this song that says "The hardest part was getting this close to you/And giving up this dream I built with you/A fairy tale that isn't coming true...." Maybe it's just having it all seem to... final. Even though I knew it was over ages ago, I'm finally feeling the ultimate brokenness of it.
I'm so ready for all the pain I've endured to stop. How can a person be so happy and so... hurt all at once? Makes me wonder if there's something wrong with me... I don't wanna be with him, but him being gone I just... *sigh* I don't know anymore.