This is the place I rant about life's heartaches when I feel I can't say it anywhere else. My voice is buried beneath shadows, but I feel someday what I have to say might mean something to someone...

Friday, October 22, 2010

My Reason For Living

Why do they take from me my only reason for living? Every breath I breathe, every moment I put myself through this torture is so that I can spend those few, precious moments with them, and yet they take those from me. I have no other reason to exist but them. Every man has failed me, every "friend" that accepted me when I was stupid fell away when I stopped acting like them, leaving me very much alone. For my boys, and the girls I've seen only twice yet love with all my heart, for my child yet unborn, I would give my everything. But I don't get to do that. I have to pay penance constructed by mere mortals with no shred of God, of love, within them. I am not who I once was, yet for those I wish would accept me now and accept that I am being made new, all that will ever be seen is my old. And for those who I wished could still be there, though we are no longer the same, I am no one if I am not who they wish I could be. And they all have the power to take my only joys from me. Tonight, it is difficult to see a point to continuing.