Why?

That's all I wanna know. I wanna know what was so wrong with me that so many could hurt me so much and be OK with it. What did I do to deserve this life? And don't recount my recent sins to me. No one pays penance BEFORE the sin. I know a lot of the crap I've done was a bad reaction to the crap done to me. I'm just trying to start new. To reclaim any part of me that might be left. I'm trying to do it right, but they all make it so difficult. I don't know what to do to get people to see that I'm not the enemy. I never intended to start a war, but I've been attacked. So now what? Do I attack back? Do I just stand here and take every bullet as if I deserved it? Do I let people continue to kill me or do I somehow arise? I'm not sure if I know how to arise again anymore, but I keep fighting. I know you won't read, but PLEASE, acknowledge that you don't know the whole story. TRY to understand, I may not be the villain he has painted me out to be...